Just taking a break from awesomeness

I gazed out at the calm turquoise waters and inhaled the salty sea air.

"Can I help you?"

"Yes, I will have a margarita. On the rocks, please" I replied as I leaned against the marble counter at the Marriott beach bar.

"Kirsten. Stop bending your knee!"

Excuse me? I turned my head to locate the rude woman who was shouting out commands - and referring to me by my formal "birth certificate name," nevertheless.  Unable to locate the source, I turned back to the bar to wait for my margarita.

"Salt the rim please," I continued, smiling at my friendly Mixologist. My throat was hoarse and dry.

"Kirsten. You need to keep that knee straight!"

Someone needed to shut this woman up! I pivoted quickly and a sharp pain radiated down my leg. Ouch! I really needed that margarita.

"Kirsten. You just had surgery. You need to keep your knee straight."

Dammit. Jolted back to reality, I realized that I was not at the Marriott beach bar on Seven Mile Beach. I was not about to lick the salt off the rim and sip that icy beverage. I was on a hospital gurney being wheeled into recovery at the Penn Medicine Surgical Centre in Philadelphia.

So I survived another knee surgery. Number seven to be exact. Number seven was different than the first six in many respects. For one, it took place in Philadelphia, at a surgical centre (as opposed to a traditional hospital). Also, this surgery was with an Orthopedic Surgeon who is new to me. This Ortho specializes in cartilage repair - his research is published in journal articles, and he performs surgeries for patients with my rare condition, Osteochondrial Dissecans. Also, I wasn't awake for this surgery. All patients are given general anesthetic at the surgical centre. I have a fear of anesthetic, as I "went under" in the middle of a panic attack once, so my previous knee surgeries have all been spinals, at my request. In addition, since Philadelphia isn't exactly a hub for us, my mom flew in from Canada. Evan, my mom, and I spent 5 days in a rental apartment in downtown Philadelphia. Ev and I flew back to the island 4 days after my surgery. I was really grateful to have my mom there with me, as those first few days post surgery were harder than I anticipated. I guess I'm not as "good" at surgery as I thought!

(Aside: I do not recommend flying 4 days after surgery - "Ma'am, it looks like there is no ramp for deplaning. There's about 30 stairs. How would you like to get down those?" "Ummm, forward f'n roll?"

Overall, it was pretty OK. I was impressed with the Penn Medicine Surgical Centre. My previous experience in Canada has entailed waiting for hours with a dozen other terrified patients, all donned in hospital gowns and booties ("So…what are you in for?") I've always thought it's cruel to make people wait for hours in a communal room in such a vulnerable state. Like at least throw me an Ativan and a curtain so I can freak out alone! In contrast, I arrived at the surgical centre at 6am, immediately escorted to my own space, had an IV and anti-anxiety meds by 6:30, and was in surgery by 7am. I didn't even have time to spazz out (Just look at that dopey unsuspecting smile on my face). Plus…I scored a very nice Penn Medicine garment bag. Nice. I did miss seeing familiar faces. Previously, all of my surgeries have taken place at the Prince Albert hospital where I used to work. It was always comforting to chat with the Nurses and the Doctors in the OR, who were also my friends. Although the surgical staff at Penn Medicine were excellent, I did miss being cared for by people who know me personally.

Just what I need! I will put my post surgery formal attire in here for safe keeping!

Other than the fact that my knee was in worse shape than the MRI depicted, all went well. The surgeon "cleaned" all the torn cartilage and my cartilage was biopsied, Fed Ex'd to Boston (I warned them that Fed EX sucks and loses packages!), where my cartilage will be grown in a lab. When I am ready for the next surgery, the Ortho will implant the millions of cartilage cells into the holes in my knee where my sucky cartilage has failed to survive. He will also replace my meniscus, which apparently is torn (I always bragged that at least my meniscus was fine. Oops) And then, you know, repeat on the other knee. Easy peasy, right? Well, not so much, but at least it's a plan.

Does this bandage make my leg look fat?

So I find myself in a place where I've been approximately 6 times before - rehabbing and recovering. Typically when I get the green light to start my exercises, I crank my motivational music, put on my Nikes, and start doing laps of my living room. This time; however, I find myself horizontal on the couch, drooling out of one side of my face, and critiquing Emmy gowns, "Ugh! That dress is hideous!" I just don't feel like it. I just don't give a care. I am supposed to be back at work, full time, in 7 days, and I just don't presently possess the motivation to "learn" how to walk. Again. It's discouraging that there are still many more surgeries in my future. Big sigh. Yes, I feel sorry for myself. Call me a WHAAAAAmbulance. Order me a WHAAAAmburger and french cries.

My mom attempted to describe my situation:  She told me that I'm awesome, but right now, I'm taking a break from awesomeness. You can't be awesome all the time. I like that. Thanks mom. She "gets" me and loves me!

"Hi there. You've reached the voicemail of Kirstie Lindsay. I've taken a break from awesomeness this week. I will get back to you when I'm ready to be awesome again."

Cheers to a gripping "Cupcake Wars" marathon that has been captivating my attention for hours.

"Look Biloxi! They added too much absinthe to those cupcakes! Stupidheads. "

Another epic summer in the books

Wow. Those were the fastest six weeks ever. Ever!
I can't believe our Canadian summer has come to an end. But, wow, it was so good.
My goal this summer was to surround myself with people who make me happy. I wanted to laugh until I snorted, reminisce with and enjoy all my Canadian buddies, spend more time with my family, and leave the worries to the worry box. Mission accomplished. I feel so full! I am full of happiness, full of strength, and full of love. I was feeling full of energy - until we took the red eye back to Cayman - I presently feel like I'm recovering from a 6 week hangover (Note to self: Don't do the red eye with the pets again. You, and the pets, are too old for that crap). Nevertheless, for the most part, I feel recharged and ready to tackle another school year and conquer the first knee surgery in September.

Back to the "grind"

I've compiled my top 11 list (10 was not enough) of "favourites" this summer (in no particular order, so I don't want to see Grandma and Baba fighting for top spot or anything like that :)

1) Spending time with Kayla. My sister, Kayla, is awesome. She picked us up from the airport at 3am, always showed up for happy hour, and managed to get through the summer without ever wearing pants! She just graduated from the College of Commerce at the University of Saskatchewan and has signed a 6 month contract with a company in the Netherlands! Way to go, buddy! I am so proud of her. We had some great days this summer and it wouldn't have been the same without Kayla and her YOLO floaty.

well this is right up Kayla's alley!

YOLO!

  2) Baba and Gido's 70th Wedding Anniversary.  How many people have the opportunity to celebrate 70 years of marriage? It was wonderful to catch up with so many relatives that I haven't seen in years, as well as party around the campfire at the farm with my dad, cousins, aunts and uncles, who arrived from all over the world! It warms my heart to see my Baba and Gido enjoying all of their family, together at their home, celebrating them!

My beautiful Baba

3) Regular Tea dates with Grandma. I don't know what Grandma puts in her teapot, but her tea makes my heart happy! I love sitting at grandma's kitchen table, sipping tea, eating her delicious cookies, and catching up. Grandma's house is also the hub of family activity, so it was nice to reconnect with aunties, uncles, and cousins at Grandma's house. I am so proud of my Grandma. At age 85 she and her kitty cat live in the same home that Grandma has lived in for over 30 years. Despite a few health challenges over the years, my Grandma is strong, positive, and makes the best cookies, jam, and buns. Plus, she has a kick ass chair lift, which means no stairs to climb for bathroom breaks. Drink as much tea as you want!

I love Grandma and her chair lift!

4) Quality time with my mom. When I say "quality" time, I mean catching up on every "Real Housewife" and "Married at first sight" episode, whilst mocking every ridiculous scene. I just like being with my mom, whether we are chilling on the boat, drinking wine at Lani's deck party, or laying in front of the TV. One morning in July, my mom and I were texting, and I was like, "This is ridiculous. You are a 10 minute drive away. Be right there!" There are many days on island where it is difficult for me to be so far away from my mom, so I took advantage of our time this summer.

Real Housewives of Candle Lake?

5) Sleepovers with the Hunters. When our buddies, Darren and Allicia, have a few wobbly pops and can't make the trek back to their cabin on the other side of the lake, they sleep over. Needless to say, we got quite a few Hunter sleepovers in this summer. I love waking up and drinking our coffee on the deck while reliving the night's events (We will never forget the Karaoke version of "More Than Words") The Hunters are like extended relatives - but the relatives that you actually really like! I miss their faces already!

Cheers to the Hunters!

6) Wearing my veil on our anniversary.  Ev and I celebrated 11 years of marriage this year. I decided that the only way to truly express my undying love for Evan was to don my veil for the day…whilst celebrating on the boat. My beautiful veil brings me so much joy and my friends made me feel like it was totally appropriate to rock the sparkly veil with my bikini for our special day (I think they would have committed me if I had showed up with the veil on any other day). I even got a photo op with my Maid of Honour, Janna! I didn't realize it was slightly kooky until I overheard a guy at the islands say, "Is she wearing her veil? That's…weird." haha. Oh well. It felt right.

Ev has his, "She's kinda crazy" look

Pure. Joy. Love this veil

The Maid of Honour humoured me.

7) Celebrating an engagement and shark week all in one day!  Anyone who has followed our shenanigans over the past summers know that we have a fantastic tradition of celebrating shark week. By "celebrating," I mean wearing shark paraphernalia, carrying blow-up sharks, and well…drinking margaritas…because we all know that sharks LOVE margaritas. This summer, we celebrated the engagement of our awesome friends, Brad and Lindsey, with an engagement party brunch, and quickly transitioned into shark week festivities. It was an action packed day. My face hurt from smiling so much. I remember looking back on the boat and seeing all my friends dancing, laughing, and hoisting their sharks in the air. I took a mental snapshot of that epic moment and stored it in my memory bank. That memory will come in handy some crappy day when I'm being chased by the chickens.

From engagement party...

To SHARK WEEK

Such a super day with the best people!

8) Hanging with my dad and Farm time. My Baba and Gido's farm is about a half hour drive from our cabin at Candle Lake. I love stopping in for visits! Often I ended up searching the bushes for my very spry Baba who is picking mushrooms or tending to her garden. My dad is there frequently in the summer as well, fixing equipment and preparing for harvest. I was able hang out in the shed and have some visits with him. Last summer I couldn't drive for most of the summer (post surgery) and I really missed the ability to take road trips to the farm and see what is going on (and eat Baba's food - I would pay $100 for a Baba pickle right about now) My dad has been so helpful in letting us store furniture and our truck at the farm over the winter. I really enjoyed spending time with him this summer and (hopefully) expressing how grateful we are for all of his help.

Baba patrolling the farm

My dad and I - visits on the deck

9) Our wake surf montage. I haven't been able to wake surf many summers due to those pesky knee surgeries. Although my knees were far from "in working order" this summer, I made an executive decision to say, "screw it!" My first surgery is in September, so if I rattle a little cartilage making myself deliriously happy then who gives a care! My surfs were short and responsible (no 360 attempts), but I enjoyed each and every second out on that board. It's nice to participate in an activity that makes me feel like "me" again. We decided it would be incredibly clever to incorporate activities of daily living into our surf sessions..and take pictures. Best idea ever.

Julia's getting divorced?

Ev's taking his vitamins

Allicia can't even stop to eat her burger!

Stacey loves Cheezies

Darren is bananas

10) Camping with Ev's family in the mountains. We rented a trailer and along with Ev's mom, brother, and our nephew, Kyson, we "glamped" in Kananaskis country (the Rocky Mountains). Despite most of the trails being closed due to an abundance of bear sightings, we had a great time. We had nightly campfires, played games (knock the beer can over with a rock - much more exciting than it sounds), took bike rides, and ate Peg's awesome homemade food. It was great to spend time with Kyson, who is now 9 years old. Every year he, and his interests, change so much! Last time I saw him he was in to lego and Pokemon. Now he's whittling sticks with his Swiss army knife and fishing! We don't get to see him often, but I hope he always has good memories of spending time with his Aunty and Uncle.

The bears must have eaten all the fish!

11) Catching up with "old" friends. Now that we've been living away for 2 years, I'm realizing that it's much more difficult to stay connected with everyone. I know it's difficult, especially in the summer, to make the time to organize visits with friends. I was super pumped this summer to reconnect with the friends that I used to work with at the Victoria Hospital. I even scored a short visit with my old office-mate, Heidi, who now lives in Alaska! Miss you girls! We were a great team.

Therapies crew!

Summertime at Candle Lake will forever be my "happy place." I love the calm cool mornings sipping tea on the deck, the busy fun-filled afternoons with lots of friends and family, and the amazing night skies (complete with Northern lights and stars for as far as you can see!) I love opening our bedroom window at night and falling asleep to the sound of the wind in the trees and the waves lapping on shore. Candle Lake is a magical place! I am so grateful for the ability to spend time there every summer.

My happy place

Candle Lake makes us awesome!

Cheers to an awesome summer! Thanks to everyone who made it possible!

To Love, Honour, and Cherish

Hey Friends!

Since we arrived back at Candle Lake 4 weeks ago, life has been a whirlwind of activity. Time is flying by much too fast, and I'm desperately trying to hang on to these last few weeks and enjoy my friends and family before it's time to head back to the "real world." (Wait a minute...isn't that crazy that a tropical island has become "the real world"?) Wow. Mind is blown. Haha.

My beautiful Baba at the Anniversary party

Today Evan and I are celebrating our 11th wedding anniversary! I remember our wedding day clearly and it's difficult for me to comprehend that it was 11 years ago. I can't even begin to imagine how my Baba and Gido (Ukrainian Grandma and Grandpa) feel, who recently celebrated 70 years of marriage! 70 years! Can you believe that? Now that's a milestone. Our friends and family gathered at my grandparents hometown last weekend and celebrated my Baba and Gido with food, drink, and a fantastic program of music and videos. In the video that was created, my Baba and Gido described their first impressions of each other (Baba: "He pulled at my zipper. I didn't like him very much!" Gido: "Her skirt was very short. That caught my attention"), the proposal (Baba: "We looked through the Eaton's catalogue and picked a ring. It was $35! I told him it was now or never. I had received other proposals you know"), and their wedding day (Gido: "We had to get married on a Sunday because it was the only day that the Priest was in town!"). The video was awesome - the room was filled with laughter and tears. My Baba said something in that video that really resonated with me, "We took our vows seriously. Marriage involves hard work. You must work at it. It seems like in today's age, couples do not take their vows seriously." Anyone who knows me well is aware that this is one of my pet peeves. I start yelling angrily at the TV when a "Four Weddings" bride vows to "always leave you the last chip" or a groom vows to "make you laugh every single day of our lives." That is BS. It might sound romantic and cute to promise these silly little insignificant things during a wedding ceremony; however, let's be honest, there are going to be some tough times. There will be days when your spouse requires a lot more than the "last chip" or "a good laugh."

11 years ago today, Evan vowed to love, honour, and cherish me through good times and bad, in sickness and health and in all circumstances of our life together. In that moment in time, under the hot August sun with the waves lapping on shore, life seemed perfect. We were in love, repeating our vows in front of our friends and family, and embarking on an amazing adventure together. The future was bright! It has been an amazing journey and I can't imagine traveling through life with anyone other than Evan. But…sometimes you have no control over the circumstances of your life together. In 11 years there has been success, failure, heartache, celebration, sadness, anger, happiness, sickness, health, victory, and defeat. There have been days where we didn't particularly like each other, days when we've struggled to communicate, days where we have been filled with sadness, and days where we've been exasperated with our situation. Despite the struggles, in 11 years, I have always felt loved, honoured, and cherished by my husband. Always. It's easy to love each other when we're sipping wine on a white sand Caribbean beach. It's easy to honour each other when we're celebrating professional successes. It's easy to cherish each other when we're snuggled in by the campfire on a beautiful Saskatchewan summer night. Thankfully, Evan continues to love, honour, and cherish me when I require his help to climb the stairs, when I am crying and overwhelmed in the Doctor's office, and when I am throwing my knee brace in frustration (yep. It happened).  Evan loves me when I'm awesome…and Evan loves me when I'm, well…not so awesome. I'm just beginning to realize the power of those vows that we took 11 years ago and we can only aspire to reach a 70 year milestone like my Baba and Gido.

Cheers to my Baba and Gido - Congratulations! It must be an amazing feeling to look around the room at your 70th anniversary party and realize that the two of you created all of this! There is so much love surrounding you! What an accomplishment. I love you both so very much!

Cheers to my Evan. We've created such a wonderful life together! Remember when we were 17 years old and we aspired to one day live in a place with palm trees?  Haha. We did it! I'm so thankful that we found each other 21 years ago in grade 12 Social Studies class. Thanks for being my best buddy. I love you with all of my heart!

Ev is hilarious! Still making me laugh 11 years later

Ev carried me on our wedding day, even with  2 good knees!

My Baba and Gido - Happy 70th Anniversary!

PS: Good Morning Lisa Wallin ;)

4 Things I no longer care about

Hey Everyone,

Check out my blog post that is up on "Women Who Live On Rocks." It's called, "4 things I no Longer care about."
To be perfectly fair, I have been curling my hair since I've been back in Canada this summer…and it feels pretty awesome.

Enjoy!

http://womenwholiveonrocks.com/4-things-i-no-longer-care-about/

It's time to go back to Canada: 5 pieces of evidence

There are only 3 sleeps left to go until Ev and I (along with an angry orange cat and terrified white dog) make the long trek back to Saskatchewan. I still love living on the island, and will be happy to return at the end of August, but at this point, on July 6,  I absolutely feel the NEED to get back NOW. It is time. I've spent hours daydreaming about our place at Candle Lake and all the friends and family we will re-connect with (most of whom I haven't seen in a year!) With the chaos of continuing to work full days whilst arranging the pets travel documentation, securing the condo over the summer, and packing, I feel like I'm presently dangling in limbo. I'm stuck between two worlds - my body is in Cayman, trying to continue with the routine; yet my mind is back in Canada.

Here are the top 5 reasons that I KNOW it is time to head back to Canada:

1) I'm almost out of Tim Horton's
Every single day, for the past 10 years or so, I have kick-started my morning with a cup of Tim Horton's steeped tea. It has become a morning necessity. With the nearest Tim Horton's located about 1700 miles away, I panicked (just a little) when I pondered how I would continue my morning routine on this island. Behold: the Timmy's Keuring Cups! Genius. One condition that I have implemented for visitors is that one cannot clear Cayman customs without importing at least 3 boxes of Timmy's Keurig Cups for Kirsten Lindsay (that's my official passport Cayman name). These precious cups can only be found in Canada. This system has been effective for 2 years now - not a single day minus my cherished  tea. The stash; however, is low. Dangerously low. For the past week, I've been latching onto my beloved tea, cross checking the cups with the number of days left on this island. As long as our flight departs as scheduled, all will be OK. If not, I have no idea what to expect of my body if it is deprived of my morning tea. I'm predicting that the ramifications will be bad. Bad bad.

This box looks empty. I can feel the withdrawal shakes beginning. 

2) It's too fricken hot
I really hate to bitch about heat. I bitched about cold for 35 years, so I really have no right to bitch about heat. But it's really fricken hot here right now! It's 100 degrees with 80% humidity - that feels like 40+ degrees Celsius to all my Canadian friends. But it's a different kind of heat - one that I have never experienced. The air is dense. It's difficult to breathe. The sun seems to burn your skin on impact. Even our little white dog, Dundee, "softened" by the tropical climate, struggles on his daily walks, sensitively  lifting his paws on the hot concrete. It feels like you can never quite cool down. The pool is 90 degrees (like taking a bath with all your neighbours), and the air conditioning feels extra chilly, causing an uncomfortable cold sweat to drip down your body as soon as you return inside from the heat. In addition, the heat is wreaking havoc on my appearance. The combination of makeup dripping down my face and my white girl Canadian hair, frizzy from humidity, is terrifying . I give up on even attempting to look attractive anymore. Ok. I am done bitching. Wanna smack me in the face? Throw me back in a Saskatchewan winter and see how I well I function! haha.

White girl hair in a Caribbean summer. Bad combo. 

3) School is out
Working as a Speech-Language Pathologist, I have had the opportunity to work in both hospital and school settings. The interesting thing about working in the schools is the nice and neat linear schedule - there is a beginning, a middle, and an end. It builds a great sense of camaraderie amongst co-workers. We are all experiencing the same pressures at the same times during the school year. In addition, we all celebrate our successes at the same deadlines….including a well-deserved summer holiday (Hallelujah!) The end, my friends, is total chaos. The last month of the school year is total madness with teachers trying to administer tests, wrangle students on school trips, and write report cards. The Speech Therapists are desperately trying to complete and deliver reports to each of their schools. It's just a crazy time. It's exhausting. For some reason, this year, we are all required to work an extra few days following the end of the school year. The reports are done. The kiddos are on holidays. There are no more children to treat. So let's just call these days, "paperwork days." Ironically, our office just ran out of paper and we're singing the Karaoke version of "Sweet Caroline." It's time, people, it's time.

Spreading joy at my office

I love working with these guys!

4) I'm driving on the wrong side of the road!
Oops! As I drove down Seven Mile, my mind was elsewhere. Pondering whether or not our internet was still connected and operating in Canada, I mistakenly turned left into the right lane. That's the wrong lane, by the way. For 2 years, I have been perfectly capable of abiding by the rules of driving on the left side of the road; yet, suddenly, here I was, driving like a tourist into oncoming traffic. EEKS! My mind is not here anymore. I am officially a danger to the roads of Cayman!

5) I'm homesick.
Oh I've had bouts of homesickness during our 2 years on island, but this homesickness is something else. I ache to be at Candle Lake. I constantly daydream about boating with my girls, watching reality TV with my sis, laughing at  Derrek vacation aggressively, enjoying a campfire with my dad, sipping tea with my grandma, visiting my Baba and Gido on the farm, camping with Evan's family...and most of all...hugging my mom. With all my recent medical appointments, the heartbreak of digesting my last diagnosis, and the overwhelming plans for more surgeries, I just desperately need a mom hug. A big Lynne MacDonald Mom hug. Sigh. Can't wait. It's time, people, it's time!

I miss my Mommy!

Cheers! Our crew arrives midnight on Saturday! I apologize in advance if you happen to be on our flights. Things could get hairy. Literally.

Looks like I'm in a bit of a pickle

As sweat dripped down the back of my kneecap, I readjusted my gray pencil skirt, sat up straight in my chair, and listened nervously to the Orthopedic surgeon's spiel. Her dark brown eyes were kind, yet her tone of voice was stern. She spoke softly and directly. I watched her lips move and processed phrases like, "your knees are at the end of the road," "irreparable severe grade 3-4 damage," "managing your pain so that you have some quality of life," and the one that perplexed me, "it's time for a reality check." As this woman, an Orthopedic surgeon who I had never met before, reviewed the MRI for both of my knees and delivered a grim prognosis, I began to cry. Dammit. I've been through this countless times before. I practiced this. I spent a week rehearsing my pitch - my plan was always to accept the diagnosis and prognosis with grace and immediately plead my case for a referral to a specialist overseas. Confident and assured, I would convince this surgeon to refer me to the Cartilage Repair Center in Pennsylvania for one last expert opinion. This was my plan. Instead, here I was, reduced to tears, sobbing into my bead necklace that rattled noisily as I shook with tears. I felt defeated. I felt powerless. I felt incredibly hopeless. As she waited quietly for my response, I lifted my head, looked the Orthopedic surgeon in the eyes and responded, "Well, it sounds like I'm in a bit of a pickle."

A bit of a pickle? Are you kidding me? Why those specific words came out of my mouth are beyond me! I'm in a bit of pickle all right!

I'm not sure why the Ortho suggested that I need a "reality check." I am fully aware of my reality. The condition, the disease called Osteochondritis Dissecans has progressed rapidly and it appears as though most of the cartilage in my left knee is diseased. Although the cartilage transplants that I received appear intact, all 3 compartments of the knee are now affected. The right knee is slightly better off with only 2 out of 3 compartments being affected. The hope was to contain the disease to one area, but my cartilage had other plans. Bummer. (Bummer? I did it again. What I mean is F$%&!) In addition, my elbow appears to be showing signs of the disease. I honestly wouldn't care what the MRI showed if I wasn't experiencing so much pain. But I am. Pain is a constant companion - a reminder that my joints are far from normal. Over the past 4 years, 6 knee surgeries and plenty of "in a pickle" tears, I have had brief reprieve from pain. These were awesome days, and even months, where I walked on the beach, swam in the ocean, or even surfed without pain. I never once, during those 4 years, took those moments for granted. I bottled them up and cherished them because deep down I suspected that the pain was likely to return. I sent texts to my mom, "Mom, I feel good today!" Proof that these pain free moments truly existed. And here I am. I now have a "pain crease" - an ugly wrinkle that has developed between my eyes. Evan says that I make a particular face when I'm experiencing pain, and I can see that it's resulting in a permanent mark on my face. Now that I'm aware, I try to smile more frequently to erase that nasty reminder. It saddens me to think that smiling, something that used to be so automatic to me, is now an act that requires conscience effort. I am too young to feel this old (aren't those lyrics from a country song?)

So your'e saying that my Joint Juice isn't gonna fix this?

Now for the positive news. I am so impressed with the health care and insurance coverage that I am receiving in Cayman. Never underestimate the value of an excellent Doctor! I've been lucky enough to receive care from the best of the best since I was diagnosed 4 years ago.  I did some research (AKA: asking around) and found a phenomenal family doctor here on the island. He listens, he asks questions, he's knowledgeable, and most importantly, he "knows" people. Within 2 days of seeing him, I had my MRI. During my MRI, a Radiologist in Europe analyzed my scan in real time. I exited my MRI with my very dismal reports in hand (and high on Ativan. I suffer from MRI anxiety, so sue me). A week later I was crying in the Orthopedic Surgeon's office, pleading my case to be referred to one of the top cartilage specialists in North America. Four days later I received a phone call from my insurance company stating that I would be seeing the Cartilage Specialist in Philadelphia in 2 weeks. Amazing! I am incredibly grateful. Digesting "bad" news is one thing, but sitting on it for months, or even years, with no simple solution in sight is torture. Just to provide you with a comparison, the wait time for a  semi-urgent MRI in Saskatchewan is 4-6 months. Just for the MRI! Never mind the appointment with the Specialist Orthopedic Surgeon, which can take another 3-6 months.  I just think that it is unacceptable and inhumane to make a person in pain wait that long for answers.

So although I am more than a little discouraged (OK. I am PISSED OFF!) and wish that I could return parts of this body for a full refund ($100 for both knees! Anyone? Anyone?), I am grateful that I have a consultation with a professional who researches my rare condition for a living. In the meantime, walking is hard, especially with my hot, clunky knee braces (can you say "heat rash" in tropical summer humidity?), and am encouraged to use the water as my gym to maintain muscle mass. Thankfully I'm surrounded by the Caribbean Sea so that shouldn't be a problem.

Hanging with my fur buddies helps 

Drinking Prosecco in my pool really helps.

I always debate sharing serious and personal peeks into my life like this one. I know that people read my blog for a laugh, and I realize that today's post isn't much of a feel-gooder. It's so much easier to hide behind Facebook photos of sunsets and Disney trips (uh, newsflash Kirstie: FB isn't "cool"anymore? Say Wha?!) We're all the same though, aren't we? Each of us is fighting our own battles. We're all just trying to do the best we can. Although we might perceive someone as doing "better" than us, that social media smile might mask a health crisis, a loss, a relationship problem, or financial woes. I've learned that being vulnerable and honest strengthens and improves my connections with others. It's those personal connections that make me a happier person - a person who is better equipped to deal with these challenges. This is me - and the sun can't shine everyday in paradise (again with the song lyrics!) Evan hooked me up with a Ted Talk by a woman named Brene Brown. I highly recommend a listen. She explains vulnerability from a research-based perspective. I think she is great. It's changed the way I think. Check it out.

https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability?language=en

Cheers Friends!

Women Who Live On Rocks

Hey everyone,

I'm super excited because one of my favourite blogs, Women Who Live On Rocks," is featuring one of my stories today. Women Who Live On Rocks is a compilation of stories written by women who live on islands all over the world. I've always found the stories to be witty, smart, and definitely relatable as an island girl! I'm honoured to be featured amongst this group of women writers.

My post was featured on June 6 and is called, "7 Things No One Tells You About Moving To A Rock." check it out:


http://womenwholiveonrocks.com/7-things-no-one-tells-you-about-moving-to-a-rock/