Puke, Pills, and Pity.

Hey guys!

It's been a while. Well let's be honest, hasn't the last month felt like the equivalent of about 2 years?  I don't even know how to articulate my feelings about what has been going on in the world over the past month. It's been upsetting, unsettling, frustrating, and rendered me speechless - for a while. I am listening. I am watching in horror.  I privately reached out to a few people who I knew were struggling, but honestly, I just didn't know what to do (I still don't).  I feel like I'm watching the terrible version of Back to the Future IV and am desperately looking for Doc to get the Flux Capacitor in working order so that we can go back to whatever year(s) it is we need to return to in order to fix the f'n mess of a world we live in today.

Anyway - reigning it in...I don't think that people read my blog for political insight and I do have a story that might make you giggle. God knows that we all need a laugh right now...

Feeling as though I was experiencing a total loss of control, I decided to focus my energy on something that I could control (to an extent) - my pets medication protocol.

As I have mentioned previously, my sweet little dog, Dundee, is suffering from congestive heart failure due to a degenerative valve disease. His heart failure is progressing and it's important to monitor his respiratory rate in order to determine appropriate daily doses of 5 different heart medications.  In addition, Biloxi, the most interesting cat in the world, is now nearing 19 years of age and is experiencing some liver issues, as well as dementia, which causes him to place his little orange paws on my face at 3am and scream bloody murder for 3 hours. Super relaxing.

This is the screaming face. All. Night. Long. 

We have a Vet Extraordinaire, Dr. Colin, who patiently responds to my Whatsapp messages at 11pm when I am panicking about a 10 breaths per minute increase in Dundee's respiratory rate. He listens calmly to my explanation and provides an immediate plan for me ("Ok, let's increase the lasix by 1/2 tonight and monitor"). I appreciate him and his team very much.

Thankfully, Dundee takes his meds like a champ. Five large heart pills (twice daily!) are not an easy thing to disguise. I simply bury them in a small peanut butter pill pocket and Dundee happily thinks that he is getting an influx of "treats" for being such a good boy. He cheerfully crunches down on the bitter pills and licks his lips, thanking me for such a wonderful surprise.

"Hey guys! Can I bother you for another one of those crunchy peanut butter balls?"

Biloxi, on the other hand, is seasoned. He is old and has a wealth of life experience. From traveling across the United states with his little orange head resting on Evan's steering wheel to being quarantined at Heathrow for smuggling catnip into the United Kingdom, he has experienced it all. There is no way to disguise the one tiny pill in his favourite cat food, the tastiest of cat treats, or even in the ultimate delicacy - tuna. He's just not having it. So we purchased a "pill gun," a tortuous device that quickly shoots the pill down his throat. I enlisted Evan as the "shooter," and this procedure immediately became the most dramatic event to occur since Colton jumped the fence on the Bachelor.

Here is the procedure for administering tiny cat pills via the "torture gun":

1) Evan chases Biloxi around the house (Biloxi knows Evan's intentions are tortuous in nature).
2) Evan places Biloxi in a (compassionate) choke hold.
3) Biloxi begins salivating in preparation to puke prior to administration of the pills (AKA: pre-puke stage).
4) Evan shoots the pill down Biloxi's throat and blows on Biloxi's face to encourage swallowing.
5) Biloxi swallows the pill and immediately jumps to the ground in a fit of rage and begins frothing at the mouth like a demon feline from Pet Cemetery.
6) Biloxi pukes at least 3 times in various locations (preferably on expensive items of clothing and/or furniture).
7) Procedure is repeated two to three times until pill is ingested.

We did this for 2 weeks. Two. F'n. Weeks.

The last straw occurred one evening as we were preparing to head to bed, and Evan had administered Biloxi's bedtime pills.

Warning: If you are currently eating or vomit makes you squeamish, stop reading here.

Biloxi frothed and heaved around the house and I followed closely with paper towel and lysol wipes - and can I just clarify that the sound of the cat puking may possibly be the most cringe-worthy sound in the history of cringe-worthy sounds. As I cleaned his first round of puke, he quickly ejected his next deposit, which included the pills still intact. Before I could reach over and clean it up, Dundee enthusiastically bounded over and ate the pills. Yes you read that correctly. Dundee the dog ate the regurgitated cat pills.

I immediately panicked, concerned that Biloxi's pills would instantaneously stop Dundee's heart. Now in tears, I called my Dr. Colin and frantically explained the situation.

"Ok. So Dundee ate Biloxi's puked up pills?" questioned Dr. Colin.

"Yes! I sobbed. Is he going to be Okay?"

There was a delay and some muffled laughter.

"Yes. He will be fine, Kirstie," laughed Dr. Colin.

Oh. Ya. Ok. Perhaps a slight overreaction?

"Ok thank you. Have a good night, Dr. Colin."

Long story short, everyone survived. We did make an executive decision to discontinue Biloxi's medication. We have limited his evening bourbon consumption in hopes of delaying the liver damage. hehe.

"Get this camera out of my face!"

"Make them go away!"

"Hey guys! I eat cat puke!" 

So you know...this is what has been occupying my time as I continue life in my tiny bubble on Grand Cayman.

In other news, Cayman is moving to Level 2 suppression this weekend - basically all of our shelter in place restrictions are being lifted. I am hopeful that this helps us return to some sense of normalcy. Three months has been a long time without the ability to socialize with friends in person.

The island is still activity screening hundreds of people daily and are generally finding anywhere betweeen 1-10 positives each week...so Covid-19 is definitely present and active on island; however, there has only been 1 symptomatic case since April, so for whatever reason, people are not getting sick in Cayman. Despite the re-opening of all of our businesses, our border will remain closed until at least September.

The school year is winding down and will end next week. There is typically a buzz in our office and amongst my colleagues - usually the excitement and anticipation for the impending summer holidays is palpable the last few weeks of June. I don't feel that this year. I feel the loss of Monty now, more than ever. The end of the school year was always a time we re-convened in the office, listened to Monty's 90's CD's, and shared so many laughs. I have resigned myself to the fact that I will not see my Canadian friends and family this summer, which still makes me feel incredibly sad. On the other hand, I acknowledge the fact that we live in a relatively safe and harmonious place in relation to the rest of the world, and I am very thankful for the fantastic group of friends on island with whom we will soon be reunited.

If you know me well, then you know that I enjoy age-inappropriate T-shirts. I possess many of these shirts that say things like, "Not without my wine," or "Drinks well with others." The other day I was donning my latest, "Available for Drinks," shirt whilst sipping wine on my patio. It was raining sideways and visibility was limited in that you couldn't even see the pool from our patio through the wall of wet. I began sobbing, feeling lonely and experiencing the "island fever" anxiety of being trapped on a rock, when Evan came outside to see how I was doing. He read my T-shirt, "Available for drinks," took in my pathetic presentation, and chuckled a little. I couldn't help but laugh along with him. The contrast between my enthusiastic T-shirt and my pitiful demeanour was pretty entertaining. It's good to laugh when you can. What else can you do?

I'm fine! It's fine. It's all going to be fine. 

I hope my pet med tale (tail?? haha) made you laugh as well.

Take care everyone. I miss you!