A birthday visit from my sis, battling a toxic relationship with Britknee, and attempting to belong to a country

 Hey Friends!

How's it going? I always feel for my Canadian friends and family this time of year, as it used to be my most hated pseudo season - "fake spring". The snow melts, green leaves begin to appear, you start putting away the winter clothes, when, poof!  A snowstorm/cold front hits, eliminating all hope, causing one to contemplate jumping into the North Saskatchewan River (but then realizing you can't because it's still frozen). No? Just me? Anyway, I hope that "real spring" is finally there to stay!

I have a few updates since my last blog. 

Firstly, my new furry friends - the "Paw Patrol" are doing well, and such lovely additions to our family. Unfortunately Dilbert is heartworm positive (we knew this when we adopted him). Apparently many of the stray dogs here have heartworm, which is transmitted through mosquitoes. Thankfully, Dilbert's case is mild and one treatment should kill all the worms (fingers crossed). The treatment, however, is quite extensive! First he required antibiotics for a month, then he received his first injection of immiticide. Immiticide kills the worms in the dogs heart, and then the body absorbs the dead worms. After one month, Dilbert will receive 2 more injections to ensure 100% of the worms are killed. You must keep your pet very calm during this 2-month period, as if the heart rate becomes elevated for an extended period of time, the dead worms can block the vessels/arteries, leading to stroke or heart attack. No pressure. Lucky for us, Dilly is a very chill dog, and only gets really excited when we return after being away. We're distracting him with all kinds of nice things like bacon cheese spray. Yes, you heard that correctly. Bacon Cheese Spray for dogs. I keep waiting to find Ev eating it out of the can! Dilly is also working with a trainer. He is very submissive and fearful, so we're hoping that this will improve his confidence. 

Stevie, the blind cat, is not at all happy with Dilbert's new zen routine, and often attempts to provoke him into a little tussle, by swatting him with her paw. "Play with me, dammit!" We'll all be happy once this 2-month period is over and we can resume fun play with our paw patrol members!

physio with the fam!

As for the third new addition - Britknee, well, let's just say that she's probably been one of the most "toxic" houseguests I've ever had. Unfortunately, she literally is a "piece of me," so she will be driving me "crazy" "until the world ends." (See what I did there?) 

I have given Britknee everything. She gets every single exercise ever recommended by any professional who has ever worked with knee replacements. She gets heat. She gets cold. She gets pills - all the pills. She gets electrical stimulation (tens machine). She gets acupuncture, chiropractor, massage. She got birthday champagne - the good stuff! I even gave her a full day off - no physio, no exercise - nothing (this day just resulted in major guilt).  Regardless of what I give this bitch, she continues to complain. 

The other knee, Courtknee, was a breeze compared to this one. I was able to eliminate all of the opioids by the third week, and other than that slight tear to my hamstring 2 months in, there really was minimal pain compared to all the other knee surgeries I've endured. Britknee, on the other hand, is on more pain medications today than she was in the hospital! The pain is relentless and feels like someone is slowly turning a screw into my knee cap (I don't even have a knee cap anymore!) In addition, I'm suffering from nerve pain, which feels like my knee is being randomly electrocuted. At this point the pain is affecting my ability to progress with physio, as well as sleep, focus, and, frankly, to participate in life.  I'm still on crutches, which feels demoralizing this far post surgery. To add to this, Britknee still has issues with being straight, and despite putting myself in torture hangs twice a day, she is only gaining about a degree a week. It's very frustrating. Although my physio encourages me, and praises me for working so hard, he knows that the pain is getting to me. As he eloquently put it, "You're fighting the good fight but it's just not doing you any good right now." 

Y'all know that I like to be good at stuff. It's just in my nature. It kills me that things are sucking so bad right now. Naturally I blame Britknee. Apparently she's structurally sound, and the professionals say that once my nerves have re-attached, this pain will diminish. I wake up everyday (after tossing and turning all night), hoping that she's happier. It's very reminiscent of years 12-18 when I woke up each day praying for a pair of boobs (and we all know how that turned out 😐)

This sucks. I feel like a loser. I know that I'm not, and if I ever saw someone else in this position I would give the person way more grace than I'm giving myself. I know that it's the meds, pain, and overall detachment from the rest of the world right now...but I'm being totally honest. That's how I feel. I know it's temporary and it will get better. I have all the knowledge, skills, and support to change my mindset...and I will. I'm just struggling with this one. I'm so ready to move forward. Literally. 

fu#$ing straighten up Brit-Brit!

On to happier things...

My sister, Kayla came for my birthday! Oh my goodness how I needed her visit! Kayla spent all of March scooting around Bali, followed by a "life changing" Taylor Swift concert. Thankfully, her expectations were low, and she was very eager to chill in Cayman after a busy month. We spent most of her visit doing pool physio and watching reality TV. Kayla even braved the left handed driving and took me to all of my appointments. We organized "daily excursions" to get out of the house, and although they never lasted long due to pain, it was just so nice to have a change of scenery after being cooped up in this condo for the last 6 weeks. Although my birthday was far from a rager this year (ha!), Kayla made me an incredible limoncello cake and we celebrated with a beach BBQ and Britknee's first dip in the sea. Kayla's visit was so good for my soul. I'm so lucky to have her, and I'm glad we've both been able to move past the "babysitting incident of 1995" when she told me that she hated me, I cried, and then stole my dad's booze. 

Finally, I wrote my Permanent Residency exam last week! Evan and I have been "residentless" (is that a word?) for the past 9 years. Although we still possess Canadian passports, we are no longer Canadian residents, and basically work permit holders in Cayman. After 9 years of residing in Cayman, one can apply for Permanent Residency (PR). It's quite a process, which requires letters of reference, medical examinations, police clearance, etc. PR works on a point system. You receive points for certain criteria such as owning property in Cayman, mentoring Caymanians, etc. I submitted my paperwork last August and was required to write the exam yesterday. The exam focuses on the history and politics of Cayman - two of my weakest subjects. Memorizing hundreds of years on all these freakin' medications was no easy feat, but I think I did OK-ish. The exam is not a pass/fail, but rather, you receive points for every correct answer you get - so it's not really that big of deal if you already have sufficient points. Anyway, I memorized 460 flashcards, and only 40 were on the exam, so I now have 420 useless facts floating around my brain. If anyone is interested in information on the history of Cayman, hit me up ASAP before I drain the brain of this information! This information is fleeting, just like Cayman's dependency on Jamaica from 1863 to 1962 😏

Well, kids, that's the April update. I'm off to pamper Britknee with a CBD lotion massage, in hopes that she'll realize she was, indeed, "Born to make me happy."

Cheers!