Despite my best efforts, the knee's progress is too little, too late. It's now bending to about 85 degrees, which is progress; however, it's not quite enough to be functional (The average person's knee flexion is about 135 degrees). The Penn Med protocol states that at 12 weeks post surgery I should be able to touch my knee to my ear whilst funnelling a beer and one legged squatting on a surfboard. Not there yet. I continue to get stuck trying to get out of the bathtub and hot tub, as well as struggle to climb stairs. The knee is very stiff and painful. My surgery team in Philly suggested that it was time to come in for a scope in order to remove scar tissue and manually bend my knee under anesthetic. The surgery was booked for August 7. About 10 days before the surgery, I contacted the surgery team and requested that the surgery be postponed. I explained that I am in no place, physically or mentally, to endure another surgery and recovery. It's been a hot second since surgery #9, I'm underweight (but gaining!), still requiring a high dose of pain medications, and feeling pretty defeated at the moment. My surgery team listened intently and supported my decision, stating that I basically have until October to fix the flexion under the knife. Fine. That's a "future me" problem...I guess. Until recently, I continued to hold out hope that I could achieve flexion on my own. I've finally come to terms with the fact that I cannot fix this problem and that another surgery is inevitable. A part of me feels like I am accepting defeat. My rational side says that this is not my fault. I tried my best. My very #$%#ing best! Aside: I spent $1500 renting this damn CPM machine. I want my money back! I wish I could throw this damn machine in the lake. Note how I cannot reference the CPM without preceding it with "damn." haha.
This is a tough week. This is the week that I say goodbye to all my family and friends in Canada. I know that the next time we return, things will have changed. A few of my favourite people in the world are facing tough challenges right now. I wish that I could be here to support those special people in person. It's difficult saying goodbye, knowing that the next conversation will be over text, email, or Skype. I'm not a touchy feely huggy person, and I'm feeling especially flat this year (I blame the pills), so as I'm saying goodbye this week, I'm not crying or feeling particularly emotional. But I have something important to say to my family and friends, and even though I am struggling to express this verbally, I am able to put this in writing. Family and friends: YOU ARE THE BEST. You are the reason that I made it through the last 3 months. Despite the fact that I have been agitated, sad, and irrational, you did not give up on me. You came to see me, you brought me treats, you took me on the boat, you towed me on my paddle board (Kayla!), you made me laugh, and you made me feel loved. You never made me feel like I was a burden. You always encouraged, supported, and lamented with me when I needed it. I'm not sure how I would have survived the past few months if I hadn't been here, at Candle Lake, so close to the people who love me unconditionally. I am incredibly grateful for that. I won't give up. I keep going because my people need me to keep going. I love you guys. I apologize for every shitty thing that I said or did whilst angry and medicated! Thank you for sticking with me. You have no idea how much I will miss you. Soon come.
On a brighter note, the pets have received their import permits, clearance to re-enter the Cayman Islands, in record time this year! After 3 years, blood, sweat, and tears, I think that I may have finally resolved how to successfully import an animal to the Cayman Islands. To celebrate, Dundee insisted on donning his scary shark outfit. He can't wait to wear it on Seven Mile and scare the crap out of unsuspecting tourists. Who are we kidding? He can't wait to don his scary shark suit to Macabuca and pick up bikini-clad babes.
|The perfect outfit for intense tropical heat!|
Adios Amigos! See you in paradise.