Friday, February 13, 2015

Rough Seas

There's a reason I haven't blogged in forever. Evan and I have been met with some serious challenges and: a) I didn't feel like discussing these challenges in public and b) I didn't feel like lying and pretending that everyone was A-OK. So I remained quiet for a while. Me? Quiet? Hard to believe! :)

After a 3 year battle with cancer (and let me tell you, this man battled), Evan lost his dad on February 2nd. Evan's dad, Jerry, was a strong-willed, stoic, gentle man. Although Jerry may have appeared very serious to others, I loved seeing the fun side of Jerry - there was always a twinkle in his eye when he'd tease me - that twinkle made me feel special.  I met Jerry when I was 17 years old and he always made me feel like I was a part of the Lindsay family, and that I was the ideal match for his son - which is huge complement, given his obvious adoration for Evan. I feel grateful for the camping trips, the Mesa adventures, and the last few Christmases together. Life just won't be the same and my heart goes out to Evan, his brother, and, especially, Evan's mom. It's such a loss.

Evan flew home in time to share a special goodbye with his dad. The family was able to be together and although there is never a "good ending," I'm sure Jerry felt overwhelmed with love - and there is no better feeling in this world to know you are loved.

I was scheduled to fly into Calgary a few days later, but was having a lot of difficulties with my left knee - the one that didn't have the cartilage transplant. It was catching, locking up, and keeping me awake at night with pain. En route, unable to walk, I re-routed to Saskatchewan and met up with my amazing Orthopedic Surgeon, Dr. M, and had an emergency scope on my knee. The verdict: the condition that I suffer from in my right knee, Osteochondrial Dessicans, is now in my left knee. The hard cartilage, or articular cartilage, is pulling away from the bone and falling off in chunks, floating around my knee, aimlessly (what the hell are you looking for cartilage chunks?) and creating more damage in the knee. Awake during my surgery, numbed with a spinal, I watched the screen above my head which provided a live view of my scope. It was like watching a horror movie. As soon as I saw the shredded cartilage, I knew exactly what was going on. As Dr. M measured the lesion, I turned my head and had a little cry. Why me? Why now? I can't do this all over again. I thought I was done being brave.

Thankfully, my mom flew in from Palm Springs to look after me and I was surrounded by all my fabulous PA peops who, despite my absence over the last 6 months, obviously still care about me. A lot! The texts, the emails, the visits, the rides, the warm wishes - it felt great. Although I felt very guilty about not being with Evan when he so needed support, I knew that I needed to be strong, to get strong both mentally and physically, so that I could return to the island and support him. Thank you, friends and family for helping me through! There is no better feeling in this world to know you are loved.

I flew back to our little tropical paradise yesterday. Kudos to WestJet for providing excellent service and assistance with my mobility - let me tell you, crutch travelling is the way to go - no lines! I'm back where I belong, with my best buddy, Evan, and we're dealing with things together. I'm not sure what the future holds - perhaps another big surgery in my future. It scares me, but I've done it before and I'm stronger this time. Evan is going to need some time...I know he misses his dad so much, it's difficult to see him hurting,  and it must just be so tough to keep on keepin' on. But we are strong, we are in love, and we are surrounded by awesomeness. Thanks again for all your love and support!

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