Wednesday, August 6, 2014

We're here for a good time, not a long time - welcome to my sh*tshow

As we drove back to town from Candle Lake, niece and nephew nestled in the backseat after an action-packed sleepover party, I mentally reviewed my to-do list: First up, trip to the vet for Dundee, the dog and Biloxi, the cat. As I've mentioned in previous posts, getting the animals to the Cayman Islands has been about as challenging as licking your elbow. Try it. Challenging. The pets were to meet with the "family vet" first for a last minute check-up, a de-worming pill, and a flea and tick treatment. Once that appointment was completed, they were to meet with the Food and Inspection Agency Government Vet, who would stamp the final "OK," before the paperwork was to be shipped off to the Cayman Islands Government to decide whether or not our sweet, innocent pets are a danger to their nation. Heavy stuff.

I looked to the backseat where Nicole, my niece, sat creating bracelets with her brightly coloured elastics, and Mark, my nephew, played with his Thomas trains. Dundee, the dog, sat quietly between them. Suddenly it dawned on me....Where's the cat? Where is the freakin' cat?

"EVAN!" I yelled, "We forgot the cat at the lake!"

Oh man. We quickly turned around and picked up poor Biloxi, who sat sunning himself in the cabin window. That's when the neurons in my brain stopped firing regularly. A week ago today. Since then, the neurons have been firing less and less, my stress levels are off the charts (yes, for those of you that know me, the "stress rash" envelops my neck on a daily basis), and mini-meltdowns are coming fast and furious. We are in the midst of a shitshow, as we prepare to move in less than 5 days.

Once the dog and cat received all their paperwork, including a pet "passport photo" (I shit you not), I arranged for Fed Ex to pick-up the documents to ensure that they would arrive in the Cayman Islands by Tuesday - that was the cut-off to get our pets permit in time to travel. Guess what? Fed Ex did not show up at my house. I called repeatedly and eventually began speaking with Kevin. You know, Kevin from Fed Ex. Kevin, unfortunately, used the word "unfortunately" approximately 7 times as he explained to me that the Fed Ex driver could not find my house, so he had just left without my documents. He was gone. Unfortunately. I melted down on the phone, sobbing and wailing to Kevin that this was not acceptable. Ev snatched the phone away from me and calmly said, "Kevin, I don't want to be a dick here, but I'm about to become one. How do you make this better?" Evan was told that if I could get the documents to Saskatoon in one hour and 15 minutes, they "might" make the plane. So I drove as quickly as possible, tears blinding my view, snot running down my face, and those documents - 4 months of sweat and tears -  made the flight. Fortunately.

Four days later, I received an email from the Cayman Islands Government stating that I had erred. I was NOT to send them originals and I would require those originals to get the pets on the plane in Saskatoon. The originals that were now sitting on a desk in the Cayman Islands. Good 'ol Kevin from Fed Ex to the rescue...again. Good god. We are now awaiting those originals that seal the fate of our poor little furry friends - and hope that Fed Ex can deliver by Friday, as our flight leaves Saturday. Holy crap, we are leaving on Saturday. Ack!

So amongst all the boxes, suitcases, and chaos, I managed to locate the contents of our well-stocked bar and I did what any other human would do under this much stress and pressure. I got so blasted that I twerked on a dock, shot Amarula straight from a bottle, and drunkenly walked into a screen decompressed with good friends. So there. Suck on that one Kevin from Fed Ex.

As my days here in Canada fly by with increasing speed, I'm faced with saying goodbye to those whom I love the most. It's hard. This is difficult. I know we will be back, but I worry that everything will change. And it will. Change is inevitable. I'm scared of feeling lonely on this little island. I'm worried about where we will live and what life will look like. The only constant in all of this is my best buddy, Evan. I could never embark on this adventure without him and his calm, steady demeanour is invaluable. Today we celebrate 9 years of marriage (I can't believe that was 9 years ago!) It's been a wild ride, but I can't imagine doing this with anyone else. Cheers to our Anniversary, and here's hoping that Fed Ex pulls through by Friday. (If not, is anyone interested in a little white dog and an angry orange cat?) :)
C'mon - do these look like the faces of criminals? Seriously. 

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